Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Kindred souls...

You know sometimes you find someone that you feel you have known forever? That feeling that your souls are connectected in some way? Perhaps you were in another life together, saving each other in a battle...or up in heaven, holding each others hands and discussing when you would meet up again. However it works, you know you were destined to be together.

I have a person like that. I am sitting on her couch right now as i type this. I only just met her seven months ago...how can that be? That fact seems totally impossible to my brain and my heart. She is pure comfort to me and I can only hope that I am that to her also.

I sit here in my pajamas, sipping coffee, talking to her and her sweet husband, feeling that I am right where I belong. How often does that feeling ever hit you in a lifetime? I dont know, but I am cherishing the moment and feeling amazed by it.

Life can really be amazing sometimes. As my kids are now 18 and 20, life is slowing down a bit from all the hustle and bustle of four busy lives going in every direction. Simple moments are feeling sweeter, thoughts are feeling deeper, good things are feeling magnetized, and pettiness is feeling wasteful.

How very blessed I am feeling right now, appreciating this moment. How thankful I am for my family, old and new...thank you God, for bringing my soul together with this very special sister of mine. She gives me peace and clarity. Please help me to be able to be the same for her. Life feels good.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Life...oh complicated life....

Life can get pretty complicated sometimes.  It's hard to do what is right, especially when you know someone will get hurt.

For me, all I can do is to follow my heart.  I am 46 years old and only now, am I beginning to speak up for myself.  It seems that up until now, I was trying too hard to think that evilness didn't really exist, at least not in my world.  I was pushing it away, and pretending it wasn't there.  The truth is that it is there, and has been there all this time.  I was covering my ears and my eyes, and pretending.  I was trying to fit in to a place that I didn't belong.  How silly and immature that feels right now.  Today I'm finding that I'm too tired  to pretend that all is good.  It's about time I took care of myself and my family.  It feels so right to stand up for what I feel in my heart.   Maybe I am finally a grown up...I always wondered when that day would come.  I'm proud of myself for doing the difficult thing and for showing my own kids that sometimes you must stand up for what you believe in.  Especially when the other option is so negative.

I believe God is proud of my decision.  I will no longer sit silently and listen to the hatred and anger and violence.  I will not let that poison ever get so close to my family again.  By sitting silently all these years, I have accepted what I ultimately dispise.  How irresponsible I feel to not have spoken up before now.   I feel angry at myself for letting that be the case.

 I hope those that feel my absence, will someday learn to look inside of themselves and ask some serious questions.  I don't expect that they will, and that makes me sad.  But from this day forward, I am releasing their negative influence and energy from my own life.  This is what I have to to.  This is my life to live for me and MY family now.

I wish for you, anyone who reads this, peace and courage to do what is right for you.  There is no room for poison and hatred.  Life is too short and too precious to waste with those that spread anger or bring you down.  Live your truth, as best as you can.  Be proud of who you are and what you believe in.  Be kind to people of all walks of life.  Everyone deserves happiness.  God bless us all.  xo
Love, Kelly