Monday, May 9, 2011

Life...oh complicated life....

Life can get pretty complicated sometimes.  It's hard to do what is right, especially when you know someone will get hurt.

For me, all I can do is to follow my heart.  I am 46 years old and only now, am I beginning to speak up for myself.  It seems that up until now, I was trying too hard to think that evilness didn't really exist, at least not in my world.  I was pushing it away, and pretending it wasn't there.  The truth is that it is there, and has been there all this time.  I was covering my ears and my eyes, and pretending.  I was trying to fit in to a place that I didn't belong.  How silly and immature that feels right now.  Today I'm finding that I'm too tired  to pretend that all is good.  It's about time I took care of myself and my family.  It feels so right to stand up for what I feel in my heart.   Maybe I am finally a grown up...I always wondered when that day would come.  I'm proud of myself for doing the difficult thing and for showing my own kids that sometimes you must stand up for what you believe in.  Especially when the other option is so negative.

I believe God is proud of my decision.  I will no longer sit silently and listen to the hatred and anger and violence.  I will not let that poison ever get so close to my family again.  By sitting silently all these years, I have accepted what I ultimately dispise.  How irresponsible I feel to not have spoken up before now.   I feel angry at myself for letting that be the case.

 I hope those that feel my absence, will someday learn to look inside of themselves and ask some serious questions.  I don't expect that they will, and that makes me sad.  But from this day forward, I am releasing their negative influence and energy from my own life.  This is what I have to to.  This is my life to live for me and MY family now.

I wish for you, anyone who reads this, peace and courage to do what is right for you.  There is no room for poison and hatred.  Life is too short and too precious to waste with those that spread anger or bring you down.  Live your truth, as best as you can.  Be proud of who you are and what you believe in.  Be kind to people of all walks of life.  Everyone deserves happiness.  God bless us all.  xo
Love, Kelly


  1. WOW!! I don't know what's going on, but I hear you loud and clear!...And just a word of encouragement from Maya Angelou: 'We do what we know how to do, and when we learn better we do better'!...So don't beat yourself up too badly about things you did, or didn't do, when you only knew how to do that...or only had enough strength to do that!

  2. You are a strong woman, Kelly and you are right, God wants you to be happy. I am glad you found your voice, I know how hard that can be...
    Take care of yourself and remember that you have a huge amount of support...more than you know.

  3. Oh Kelly, There are tears in my eyes as I read what you have written. Be brave and know that you are who you are and you deserve to be able to live without the ugliness and fear.
    A word I learned a few years ago was ENOUGH. And for me that word jumps into my head whenever I now feel vulnerable, threatened or degraded.
    I can see you are having a difficult time - be strong!

  4. Im sorry you are going through this but soo proud you are standing up for YOU and Your family. You are a wonderful nice person and I agree you have soo many behind you:O) Lots of Hugs and Blessings Kelly:O)

  5. Cheering and dancing for you Kelly !! I am 8 years older than you and I finally found my voice after my husband passed away. It is hard but so worth it in the end. Be Brave...be strong and stand tall. Angel and I are cheering for you !!

  6. It sounds like you've reached a turning point in your life...but it's clear you know which road to take. It sounds like God is compelling you in that direction, and in that case there's no doubt about where you need to be.

    I admire you for standing up and voicing what's in your heart, to whomever has been victimizing you. There are some occasions I can remember when I should have confronted people who hurt or disrespected me, but I didn't, because I was too scared or tired, as you mention. I greatly admire your courage, and wish all the best!

  7. i am just so happy that i can hug you soon after reading this.
    i love you and am happy you found your voice.

  8. Maybe the most important words are "Live your truth". We should all think of this each day.
    Bold, strong and loving is what I hear in the message above.

  9. Kelly... so proud of you for being brave... YOu were all along.. xo hugs... I understand so much what you wrote... I"ve been hurt too by so many and allowed some to just speak poison in my life too. No longer. I will protect my soul. I will protect my family. xo
    Love to you. xo bonitarose

  10. Just catching up in blogland..and came to your little neck of the woods. Being brave is the hardest thing sometimes...and the most freeing and peaceful way too. Keep listening to that voice in your heart...even in the toughest of times. You will get to the other side..and it sounds like you are already crossing the bridge.